when I woke up this morning


I ran the Ted Corbitt Classic 15K this morning. It was a chilly race and I was waiting the whole time to get “in the mood to run.” I kept thinking it’d come at mile 4 or mile 5. It came when I was about 10 feet from the finish line. It was a tough race to get through this morning. Ted Corbitt was the first president of the New York Road Runners. The race was in honor of him and offered the runners many ways to donate to the Sandy Relief efforts in the city. We also had a moment of silence for the families in Connecticut.

When I woke up around 630 this morning I instantly thought of all of the families in Connecticut waking up this morning, if they were even able to sleep last night. I woke up two Sundays ago hoping my Saturday night had been one horrible nightmare. I thought to myself, “I hope it was all a dream, that my shoulder never came out and that UGA actually won the game.” Thinking back on that now- what a big deal I made out of two things so small. Two things that are by no means life changing, and not at all devastating. 

I’ve been fortunate in my life that the only loved ones I have lost have been my grandparents. This has been understandably sad and hard for me, however in life that’s what is supposed to happen. As a child I lose my elders, not the other way around. My heart BREAKS for those siblings, parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and more who woke up this morning with such a large void in their life.

I spent three years in a classroom and we had Intruder Alert drills at least once a semester. This is something I didn’t have growing up, until maybe after Columbine, and it is so sad that it’s a regular occurrence, and also it’s very real. I realized that I would put my life before my students’ any moment of any day. 

I don’t know what the solution is. I’m not going to get into gun control and the politics of it all, or psychoanalyzing people. Who knows what the solution is. I am certain there is a problem. I find it crazy that I feel safer walking down the streets of New York day or night than I may in a classroom. That is just not right. I don’t want to my children to grow up dealing with this, and the reality is that they will.

Right now I will pray for the families. I challenge you to do the same, or if you don’t believe in that to keep them in your thoughts. Let’s stop with all of the arguing and trying to figure out the why behind it. Let’s let them grieve, give them space, and do what we can to help. And THEN let’s please find a solution.

Enjoy your families this holiday season. Love them and hug them. Be grateful for every second. 

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